How to Fly Without ID!

So disaster has struck and you are at the airport with no ID and the flight departs in 20. You miss this flight and its game over, your girlfriend will drop you for that Law grad student she keeps bringing up, you will prove to the fam that you are incapable of being on time or handling even the smallest of responsibilities and basically be an all around schmuck.

Well don’t worry! Your relationship is saved and your family will be none the wiser because you; my dear disillusioned friend can fly without an ID.

Step 1. Don’t be frightened. When you present your dilemma to the ticketing agent the responses will vary. If you are not so lucky you will get the “freak out” and they will demand you produce some form of government issued picture ID. They may even get snippy and insist that it is a federal law! Well, fear not because this is far from the truth. Actually to the contrary the law mandates that it is illegal to barre you from flight based on the absence of ID alone. So take solace in this fact, take a deep breath and prepare for step 2.

Step 2. Have you found your center? Smile politely and request to be a “selectee.” This term comes straight from federal mandate security directive 26-05 that states:

1. IDENTIFY THE PASSENGER –

A. ALL PASSENGERS WHO APPEAR TO BE 18 YEARS OF AGE WILL PRESENT A GOVERNMENT ISSUED PICTURE ID, OR TWO OTHER FORMS OF ID, AT LEAST ONE OF WHICH MUST BE ISSUED BY A GOVERNMENT AUTHORITY.

B. THE AGENT MUST RECONCILE THE NAME ON THE ID AND THE NAME ON THE TICKET – EXCEPT AS NOTED BELOW.

C. IF THE PASSENGER CANNOT PRODUCE IDENTIFICATION, OR IT CANNOT BE RECONCILED TO MATCH THE TICKET, THE PASSENGER BECOMES A “SELECTEE.” CLEAR ALL OF THEIR LUGGAGE AS NOTED IN SECTION 6, BELOW.

6. CLEAR SELECTEE’S CHECKED AND CARRY-ON LUGGAGE, AND SUSPICIOUS ARTICLES DISCOVERED BY THE QUESTIONS ASKED;

A. IF THE SELECTEE IS ON A FLIGHT WITHIN THE 48 CONTINENTAL US STATES, OR TO MEXICO, OR TO CANADA, ITEMS CAN BE CLEARED BY EITHER OF THE FOLLOWING METHODS:

1. EMPTY THE LUGGAGE OR ITEM AND PHYSICALLY SEARCH ITS CONTENTS BY A QUALIFIED SCREENER, OR;

2. BAG-MATCH – ENSURE THE BAG IS NOT TRANSPORTED ON THE AIRCRAFT IF THE PASSENGER DOES NOT BOARD.

B. IF THE SELECTEE IS ON AN INTERNATIONAL FLIGHT – CHECKED LUGGAGE, CARRY-ON LUGGAGE, AND SUSPECT ITEMS CAN BE CLEARED ONLY BY THE FOLLOWING METHOD; EMPTY THE LUGGAGE OR ITEM AND PHYSICALLY SEARCH ITS CONTENTS BY QUALIFIED SCREENERS.

This continues on but I think you get the point.

Step 3. You should then be given some type of marking along the lines of an orange sticker both on your luggage and your ticket. This serves to inform personnel that you are a Selectee and will require additional security screening. Not scary stuff, but if you’re going to forget your ID then you’ll have to deal with the additional & thorough security measures. You may also be provided with a form to fill out and carry with you.

Step 4. Fly happy…